So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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