I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
