After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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