so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dude. I can hear the air.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize