Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
