she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
