Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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