So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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