don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
