Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
