I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its liver damage thursday
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
