hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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