fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
