Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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