my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
