remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
