wrigley field is MILF paradise
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Boobs speak an international language.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
