Umm I'm too high to move.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
