Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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