buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
