The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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