sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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