Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
