I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize