Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
