i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
