Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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