I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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