Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
