Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
