so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
