The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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