The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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