So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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