i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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