We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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