you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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