Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
