Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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