I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
