he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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