I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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