U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
