This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He did a backflip because drugs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
