a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
