found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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