I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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