smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
