end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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