Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
