Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it because I queefed?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
