I will die if light touches me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
