My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize