wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
