I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
