I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
