so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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