can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
