I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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