Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
God, I missed his penis.
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