i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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