Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
