This is not my ceiling
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
