I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
