It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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