I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
