You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
