I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
