I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
