I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize