I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
