i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
