ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
