I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
