ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
