does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
