You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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