The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
