Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
