i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
