They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize