I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
