Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize