he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need moral support for this bender
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
