we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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