It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
