Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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