I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
