I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
