Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
