??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
