I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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