Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
