In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
