my mouth tastes like poor choices
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
