It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
