Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
youre lurking in front of me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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