before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
