normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How external is "for external use only"?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize