Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
