It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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