were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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