Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
