Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
