he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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