Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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