it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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