Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
