We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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