that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
