Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
