I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
