The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
