I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
