It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize