when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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