hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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