Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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