Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
