you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
