I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
