I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
